My NINE kidz?

I have guilt. Reasonable or not I have an ENORMOUS guilt complex of not taking custody of my late cousin's four surviving children. I was the only family member she considered herself close to and my aunt is having such a hard time keeping her life in order with these kids. I feel like I should step up - do what needs to be done and take them to be with me. But the truth is I don't think I can handle it either. With my own 2 kids, my marital issues and working full time just to pay the bills I just don't think I can do it. I don't think I can raise 6 kids full time and still be sane. And I feel like that would do even more damage than leaving them with my aunt. I even considered taking on just one or two of them but after what they have been through you just can't separate them from each other. It just wouldn't be fair to them.

In my perfect world world: I would have the guts to leave my husband, my Mom would sell me her house for dirt cheap when she retires to NH, I would get assistance from the state for my cousin's children, giving me the ability to work minimal hours until they are all in school full time. Then they could all get the attention they need and be in a stable home environment. Really now - is that too much to ask?

Maybe someday - but not today.

I see other people in the world suffering from things like infertility, spending thousands of dollars to adopt locally or even from other countries like Madonna and Angelina Jolie. What ever happened to charity at home? More on that topic another day.

Maybe I can offer them one of my kids? I seem to have too many these days!