Baby Steps

So - I accepted a position as an assistant supervisor within my company. (and kicking ass at it by the way!) This was the first of my baby steps. Baby steps to feeling more financially and even emotionally more confident in myself. Then once I am more confident be able to end my marriage. There - I said it. When I tell you I have been thru hell and back in the last year and a half I am really not kidding. My husband does not physically abuse, he prefers to use words against me. And even then it's not as bad as some of the women out there. It's a more subtle version, a version that has slowly eaten away at me over the last 10 years and has made me feel trapped and helpless in my own life. But it still hurts none the less. This last year has been especially hard for me. But I have grown leaps and bounds emotionally and am finally admitting out loud that I am a victim of verbal and emotional abuse. Still not sure what to DO with this information, but I can recognize what is happening now when it occurs.

Anyway - back to the issue at hand - so I started this new position with the plan to then move onto supervisor status and get a decent salary, and then maybe even look outside of my company once I have that skill set to put on my resume. Good plan, right? And then something happens that puts me right back where I started. Something simple. Something that should not have this big of am impact. Something like........lunch. My boss' boss wanted to take everyone that reports to her out for lunch to show her appreciation for all of our hard work. I hemmed and hawd - just knowing what havoc this would create at home. Not because of the lunch itself but that 2 men work on my team and would of course be there. There is is - that evil word - men. I am not allowed to go out to lunch with other men, even in this corporate setting. I debated - do I just go and tell my husband to shove it up his *ss, because it should NOT be a big deal? I am NOT DOING ANYHING WRONG! Well - and I know you are all shocked - I didn't go. He would have DESTROYED my weekend with his cruelty. I let him win - again, and stayed here at the office and made some excuse about havig too much work to do. I am completely disgusted with myself right now. I feel like I have taken 3 steps backwards.