Baby Steps

So - I accepted a position as an assistant supervisor within my company. (and kicking ass at it by the way!) This was the first of my baby steps. Baby steps to feeling more financially and even emotionally more confident in myself. Then once I am more confident be able to end my marriage. There - I said it. When I tell you I have been thru hell and back in the last year and a half I am really not kidding. My husband does not physically abuse, he prefers to use words against me. And even then it's not as bad as some of the women out there. It's a more subtle version, a version that has slowly eaten away at me over the last 10 years and has made me feel trapped and helpless in my own life. But it still hurts none the less. This last year has been especially hard for me. But I have grown leaps and bounds emotionally and am finally admitting out loud that I am a victim of verbal and emotional abuse. Still not sure what to DO with this information, but I can recognize what is happening now when it occurs.

Anyway - back to the issue at hand - so I started this new position with the plan to then move onto supervisor status and get a decent salary, and then maybe even look outside of my company once I have that skill set to put on my resume. Good plan, right? And then something happens that puts me right back where I started. Something simple. Something that should not have this big of am impact. Something like........lunch. My boss' boss wanted to take everyone that reports to her out for lunch to show her appreciation for all of our hard work. I hemmed and hawd - just knowing what havoc this would create at home. Not because of the lunch itself but that 2 men work on my team and would of course be there. There is is - that evil word - men. I am not allowed to go out to lunch with other men, even in this corporate setting. I debated - do I just go and tell my husband to shove it up his *ss, because it should NOT be a big deal? I am NOT DOING ANYHING WRONG! Well - and I know you are all shocked - I didn't go. He would have DESTROYED my weekend with his cruelty. I let him win - again, and stayed here at the office and made some excuse about havig too much work to do. I am completely disgusted with myself right now. I feel like I have taken 3 steps backwards.

Moving on up........

My baby sister just bought a house!!!!!

Well - she's not really a "baby" anymore - but in my head she's still the chubby 8 year old with a bad haircut. Now she is 24, a beautiful independent woman who is buying her first home! I got SO emotional reading her e-mail that they (her and her boyfriend) had won the bidding process I actually started tearing up at my desk at work! I jumped up and told all the ladies I work with and they all came over and hugged me, making sure that I pass along my congratulations to my sister.

The funny thing is that the house is literally 3 minutes from my front door - only a few streets away in the same town! It wasn't on purpose, it just happened to work out that way - isn't that strange? It will be so great to have her close by - I just love her to pieces.

I don't have brothers but I have always felt that sisters have a special bond. Me and my two sisters are so close that I can't imagine not having them in my day-to-day life. They each seperately have different strengths and weaknesses that I have come to depend on. I believe that as our family grows and they each get married and start their own families (whatever that might mean for each of them) that our bond will grow even stronger. Looking to each other for support and understanding when no one else understands what you are feeling. I am lucky that I have biological sisters and then I have my adopted "soul-sistah" - my very best friend A who I swear I am related to in another life but for now she just happens to have different parents. The three of us have adopted her as part of the pack. And each of my sisters have one or two adopted siblings as well so we're actually a pretty big crowd! We should organize a yearly meeting!

Now if I can just convince my sister's boyfriend that she really should show up at the closing with a "finance" in tow..........

My wittle toe!

I think I broke my toe!!!! I slipped coming out of the shower and jammed my toe into the little wooden step that the kids use to reach the sink. Oh my Lordy - does anything on earth hurt worse than stubbing your little toes?????? Within five minutes it was swollen and already bruising. I don't bruise easily so that was a very big deal for me. I took some Tylenol and sucked it up because that's what Moms do and there was laundry and cleaning to be done. I hobbled around all day keeping the weight off, kept hoping that eventually the pain would subside and I would be OK. However when I woke up this morning I saw the bruise has now traveled down onto the top of my foot. This is NOT a good sign, right? And it still really hurts - a LOT!!!!! I almost cried driving my stick shift to work!!!! Because of course it's my left foot that is used to shift gears! I had to adjust my foot way up so that I was pressing with the ball of my foot instead of my toes. And even then I was so very happy when I hit the highway so that I could leave it in fifth gear.

I debated going to the doctor, but since they don't really do anything for broken toes I figured why waste a co-pay on an office visit? So maybe I will stop and get some medical tape at CVS and tape it up a little and pop more Ibprofen when I am off doing Christmas shopping this afternoon! I talked to my Mom and she felt so bad for my pitiful tirade that she is going to stop at Hillards Candy today and get me some yummy chocolate! It probably won't make my toe feel better but it's definitely worth a try!

Holiday Happenings

Well Abi is gone again! She was picked up today and will spend a few days with my step-son's Mom and that side of the family. We will miss her terribly but it will also be nice to have the house back to normal again!

It was a great incentive to get out of the house and do some Christmasy stuff though! We went to Edaville Railroad (which was WAY too pricey by the way), got our tree and decorated it, and went to the LaSallette shrine in Attleboro. So we saw lots of Christmas lights and the kids had a blast! Lots of great pics to send to my step-son in the mail!

We decided to have the Christmas celebration with the baby when my step-son comes home in January for his 2 week R&R from Iraq. It will be nice to have him here and like the holidays all over again! Although I think I will send a little something to GA for the baby to open on Christmas morning from her Grammy!!!!!

The next few weeks will be jammed packed with holiday visits and parties! I can't believe it's only 17 more days until Christmas!!!!!!!

O Christmas Tree........

We decorated our tree last night! We got a real tree - it smells so nice that I can't remember why I even contemplated an artificial one! (remind me of this next November). It's about eight feet tall and the fullest tree I have ever seen! Truly! It fits just perfectly in the corner of the room and I think it's my favorite tree that we have ever had. I was smart this year and picked up some shatter-proof decorations this year. So between those and the little sentimental ornaments that we have of our own the tree just looks so beautiful!

Every year we go to the mall and the kids each pick out an ornament and we have their name and the year put in it. It's so fabulous to pull those out each year and remember how old they were that year and what made them pick that particular ornament. I flash back to memories in the mall that day and decorating the tree that year - it truly makes it "Christmas" for me. I'm a little behind this year - because Abi was here we decorated the tree early before getting the 2006 ornaments. That will be the field trip this weekend with my two kids. I can't wait to see what they choose this year!

For me - the Christmas season has officially begun!

Note from Mom

So my 2 year old has really taken to my daughter-in-law who is visiting. Attached at the hip is a better description. I just receievd this e-mail from my Mom who watches the kids during the day:

now on another note. I'm very jealous. Your daughter has switched loyalities. She snuggled up to nicole this morning after tj went to school. Now she is in bed with nicole and abi sleeping.........
where is my cuddle time?????
Oh well.
I'm sitting here reading my book..
love you
mom

How cute is that? The three of them are apparently all snuggled up in my daughter's twin bed right now as I am typing!

Braces?

Imagine that? My son is only SEVEN are we are already faced with potential orthodontist bills! My god - I knew he would need them eventually - but I really thought I had YEARS before having to worry about this! (why do I feel like I say that more and more often?)

It appears that now is the best time to start ortho treatments while his jaw is still developing and it will ease the pain of future treatment if they can catch some of it now. And I am told that it's going to cost me $5000.00 dollars overall - that's right folks - FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. So why not start now and break it up over the next few years then finish it up when he's 12 and needs the full mouth of metal?

So that is the most recent dilemma - I am having SUCH a hard time with it. I just think he's SO little - he's only seven! To have night-time headgear at seven? It just feels too early. Or maybe that's just my Mom soft side kicking in........I have talked to several Moms and it seems to be a split decision - there are pros and cons for each side - to wait or start now. UGH!!!!

We have a second opinion scheduled for the beginning of January so I at least don't have to think about this until after the holidays. I'll keep you posted........

Abi's Back!

Abigail is back in town! We picked up my daughter-in-law on Sat night from the airport. She'll be with us from Sat thru this coming Friday. Abi is almost 7 months old and she has grown so much just from her visit in October! It's weird because my daughter is only 2, yet I feel like it's been ages since she was that small........it's amazing what being a parent does to your sense of time!

My step-son is doing OK in Iraq - we hear things on the news but he calls his wife every few days and my husband every other week or so to touch base. I swear I am obsessed with care packages. I cannot go into a store without purchasing something for him to go in the mail. I suppose it's my own way of feeling connected to him. He will get his 2 weeks R&R and come home the end of January and we are all counting down the days! Then hopefully he'll be home for good in June - keep your fingers crossed!

My in-laws are driving me CRAZY. I made sure that they were all aware on Thanksgiving that Abi was coming up for another visit. I made absolute sure that I said to each of them at least TWICE that they were more than welcome to come up and visit with her any night that she was here. No phone call needed even - just show up! And since several of them didn't show up for October's visit I was positive they would all make an effort to set something up. Well - she's been here for two days and I haven't received one call from any of them. I suppose it's possible they will take me up on my offer to just show up but I highly doubt it. I am SO tempted to call my mother-in-law and just ask which day she is coming. And if she stalls just tell her what I think of her ignoring her own great-granddaughter. But Nooooooo - I can't do that. Can't upset the delicate balance of my husband's dysfunctional family that doesn't give a shit about anyone but themselves. Can you tell I am bitter?

On a better note - Abi really is wonderful! She is just the cutest little thing! So I plan on just enjoying her while she is here!!!!!

For the record

We decided to go with a real tree this year - then we'll get the artificial one after the holidays when they go on sale!